my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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