You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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