dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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