Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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