Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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