I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
