Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You don't make any sense
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