I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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