sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
