The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
