I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
