i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
