when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
