a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
