I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
