some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
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