I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
