actually, I'm a sock model
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
In America we eat man semen.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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