I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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