Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
