He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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