I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
