No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
