I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
