theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
