god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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