My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
