M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
