Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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