I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
