I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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