The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
