a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize