there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
