He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
