Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
