Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
