OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize