Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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