Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
