dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize