I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
