So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
