He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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