8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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