just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
