He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
