Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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