Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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