dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
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