Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
