what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
