You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
