You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
