ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
