you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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