I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
