Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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