I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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