That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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