oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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