sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
