And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
