Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Mom said you looked used
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
